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April 30, 2021 4:46 pm  #1


✿ Self-Introduction

Sex: Female

Orientation: I don't know, I'm having a really hard time finding out my own sexual orientation 

Age: 22

Location: Europe (France)

Interested in:
I'm not really "interested" in people crying themselves, or at least, it hurts me to see someone cry more than anything. I just want to comfort them, seeing someone cry is a very painful feeling for me. But crying is very important for me, and I'd even say "vital". I need to cry. So I guess I can say that I might be interested in how much I can hurt myself mentally while crying, maybe it can be considered as some form of emotional masochism, I'm sorry if this is not appropriate. I often feel like my only way— or most "active" way— of expressing myself is through crying

Interest in the forum:
I've recently discovered the word "dacryphilia" while watching a short movie and I've immediately felt the need to discover more about it, as it interests me a lot. I've discovered this forum and I was a little scared about joining it, but why not trying it? 
I'm interested in discussions about dacryphilia, discovering more about this fetish, sharing, and I hope I'll be able to find what I'm looking for and find a little place here, I can't bring the subject to my friends, I'm afraid they'll find it weird

Your own crying :
It totally depends, I cry easily and for almost anything, and I'm very expressive— from silent tears to desperate screams. Most of the time, I can't control the shakings, my face "marked" when I cry; I have a sensitive skin and red marks appear on my cheeks, near my eyes, almost like when a baby cries. My lips curl and tremble as much as my body does and get "bigger". I try not to cry in front of people even though I'm uncapable of controlling my tears. I don't want to make people sad through my own suffering, but at the same time I really want to be comforted, and I've also discovered that I've always been longing for someone who would "fall in love" with my my cries, or more, the state I'm in when I cry; my pain, my despair, my "fragility" and vulnerability
My body gets cold, especially my fingers, and it's as if my heart stops beating, I have the sensation of having a hole in my chest, and I sometimes feel like I'm suffocating,  or more like, I feel like a "baby being born", and that's why I often need to scream, to feel "alive"; to feel like I exist, to feel like this pain is real and I need to let go of it. Crying helps to feel "free" in some way

Other fetishes:
I think I'm very interested about being vulnerable and hopeless, even though I don't have any experience in anything. So I'd say that I'm just very curious about BDSM and some "extreme" stuff, I'm ashamed of it. I find pain and fear stimulating. I'm very much into the "Look at me, don't you want to make me cry even more but also comfort me? Am I not prettier when I'm at the edge of losing my mind through my own tears? Do you want to hurt me even more, or do you want to wipe my tears?" kind of feeling and into the "I'd love it if you wanted to hurt me and destroy me mentally and physically but also love me and care for me deeply at the same level" kind of love.  

Yourself in general:
I'm very fond of Art, literature, flowers and nature! I'm a huge bookworm. I love writing, but I'm not very confident about sharing my writings, I'm afraid about sharing the relationship I have with my writings— as I often write (but not all the time) to make myself cry and to disgust myself to the point that I'd literally vomit. 
I make myself cry a lot by watching movies I know will make me cry, or by reading my favorite novels that are really hard on my feelings and emotional state.
I think I can call myself an introvert, even though I think I might be both introverted and extraverted, just a little more introverted, and I suffer from a high timidity that I have learned to "accept" with time, so I hope I'll be able to be active here

Other:
I'm sorry if sometimes my English isn't perfect, I'm not a native English speaker but I hope I'll be at least understood! I'm really excited about being able to hear about people with the "same" experiences and feelings as mine, and to feel "free" about my important need for crying
(I also am sorry if my introduction is too long, I don't know how to prevent myself from writing too much)


« A mon chagrin, il fallait, cette nuit-là, les orgues de la pluie dans les caniveaux et les tonneaux. » — Violette Leduc, La Bâtarde.

my avatar is from a set called "Blessed are those who weep" from the photographer Laura Makabreku
 

April 30, 2021 5:21 pm  #2


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Thank you Lavande for taking the time to introduce yourself, I am also a non english native speaker, I speak a little french though, anyways. I find your description quite interesting, I know at your age it's normal to explore and get to know yourself better. I also love comforting, hope to read more from you soon, either self obs or fiction.

Bon jour.

 

April 30, 2021 5:21 pm  #3


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

This might be the most artful introduction I’ve seen on this forum. Welcome! 

It’s so fascinating that you write in order to cry. Do you cry while writing, and do you continue to write even though you’re crying? I’d love to see some of the things you’ve written while crying.


I'm a woman and I think women are beautiful when they cry.
 

April 30, 2021 6:37 pm  #4


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Bienvenue, Lavande! Glad to have you around.

It's interesting the way you describe yourself as needing to cry. How does the feeling of being comforted while you're in such a state affect you?


"Bless me now with your fierce tears..."
 

April 30, 2021 7:26 pm  #5


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Thank you very much for your answers,  

truffle wrote:

Do you cry while writing, and do you continue to write even though you’re crying?

I occasionally cry while writing and either I keep writing or I have to stop because it's too much and I need to take a little break


NeedHerSobs wrote:

How does the feeling of being comforted while you're in such a state affect you?

It affects me in both a good and a "bad" way, a good way because it feels good being comforted by someone, and it's reassuring, warm and relieving, like you can allow yourself to share your thoughts, and I see crying as a very intimate thing. But it also makes me feel a little bad because the person comforting me always ends up crying too, and I think it's both reassuring to have someone to cry with but it's also a little "hard", because I know this person wouldn't be crying if I wasn't, I don't know if it makes sense


« A mon chagrin, il fallait, cette nuit-là, les orgues de la pluie dans les caniveaux et les tonneaux. » — Violette Leduc, La Bâtarde.

my avatar is from a set called "Blessed are those who weep" from the photographer Laura Makabreku
     Thread Starter
 

April 30, 2021 8:01 pm  #6


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Lavande wrote:

It affects me in both a good and a "bad" way, a good way because it feels good being comforted by someone, and it's reassuring, warm and relieving, like you can allow yourself to share your thoughts, and I see crying as a very intimate thing. But it also makes me feel a little bad because the person comforting me always ends up crying too, and I think it's both reassuring to have someone to cry with but it's also a little "hard", because I know this person wouldn't be crying if I wasn't, I don't know if it makes sense

That's interesting. Particularly since I rarely cry from seeing someone else cry. It's only happened once recently that I can think of.


"Bless me now with your fierce tears..."
 

April 30, 2021 10:50 pm  #7


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Lavande wrote:

It affects me in both a good and a "bad" way, a good way because it feels good being comforted by someone, and it's reassuring, warm and relieving, like you can allow yourself to share your thoughts, and I see crying as a very intimate thing. But it also makes me feel a little bad because the person comforting me always ends up crying too, and I think it's both reassuring to have someone to cry with but it's also a little "hard", because I know this person wouldn't be crying if I wasn't, I don't know if it makes sense

Do you usually get comforted when you cry? Does the empathy crying happen with only one person or with more people?

 

May 1, 2021 11:33 am  #8


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Amans lacrimae wrote:

Do you usually get comforted when you cry? Does the empathy crying happen with only one person or with more people?

I guess I am "lucky" for I, most of the time but not always, receive comfort and tenderness when I cry and even from people I barely know or don't know at all; I remember that one day in high school I burst into tears after a philosophy class and a few people I didn't know came to me and stayed with me until I got better, I felt a little guilty about wasting their time but at the same I was very glad to be surrounded by their comfort. And I felt very good, there wasn't any awkwardness from them, and I really appreciate this kind of genuine care


« A mon chagrin, il fallait, cette nuit-là, les orgues de la pluie dans les caniveaux et les tonneaux. » — Violette Leduc, La Bâtarde.

my avatar is from a set called "Blessed are those who weep" from the photographer Laura Makabreku
     Thread Starter
 

May 1, 2021 11:45 am  #9


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Lavande wrote:

I guess I am "lucky" for I, most of the time but not always, receive comfort and tenderness when I cry and even from people I barely know or don't know at all; I remember that one day in high school I burst into tears after a philosophy class and a few people I didn't know came to me and stayed with me until I got better, I felt a little guilty about wasting their time but at the same I was very glad to be surrounded by their comfort. And I felt very good, there wasn't any awkwardness from them, and I really appreciate this kind of genuine care

Wow, I am surprised some strangers comforted you, did they hold you in their arms, just comforted you verbally, wiped your tears from your cheeks, gave you tissue to wipe your tears?

Which gesture did you find more comforting?( If any)

 

May 1, 2021 1:08 pm  #10


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Welcome! I like your description of your own crying. Does your lip curl and tremble at the same time, or does it tremble first before curling out?


Ugly crying is pretty crying
 

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