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June 7, 2021 1:53 am  #1


Male friend obs

A male friend and his sister had come to our home a few weeks ago. Long story short, he had come to the US for university and had recently finished his degree program, and was planning to leave the country in the next few days. My wife and I had sat and talked with them for almost two hours without any signs of emotion. After that, I had taken the kids upstairs to get them ready for bed. Literally 10 minutes after I had left the room, my wife texted me to tell me that my friend’s sister had started crying and I should come back. I got the kids into bed, and I stepped out of the bedroom to meet my wife who was climbing up the stairs toward me. She was dabbing tears from her cheeks as she was coming up, explained to me what was happening, and told me she’d take over for me. I then went back downstairs.
 
Initially I was looking forward to comforting my friend’s sister. However, when I walked into the room, I was utterly shocked to find that HE had started crying. He was rubbing his eyes vigorously, and had this incredibly wide bloated lip curl with a spit bubble that visibly popped as he let out a couple of quiet sobs. I was kind of frozen for a second. It was a weird choice I had to make. I wasn’t confident enough to sit between them. Do I go to him, or to her? In a split second decision, I decided to sit next to him and quickly put my left arm around him. His neck and shoulders were so tense. I rubbed his back, gripped and gently squeezed his right forearm, hoping that he’d bring his hands away from his eyes. And then, as soon has he lowered his hands, I hugged him. As soon as I pressed my cheek to his, he immediately tensed, stood up and started walking away from us. I thought he was going to the restroom, but he stopped, then turned back toward me, and started pacing around the room, sniffling hard. His sister stopped him and guided him back to the sofa. This time I sat away from him, while she stroked his hair and his back. She had tears pouring down her face, dripping onto her jeans, and he had 1 single lonely tearstreak on each cheek, which she wiped from his face.
 
Their plan was originally to stay the night at our home, but he was really upset, and they decided to leave after that. So yeah, this was a complete fail. I felt kind of rejected but maybe he just didn’t want to be comforted physically. In hindsight, I should probably have gone to her. I felt like she would have been much more willing to have her tears wiped.
 


I'm a woman and I think women are beautiful when they cry.
 

June 7, 2021 3:26 am  #2


Re: Male friend obs

Wow, you have a lovely wife, she alerts you when someone is crying so you can witness, that is priceless.
I would be surprised as well to see a guy crying so hard that he couldn't control saliva pouring through his curled lips.

I guess you were too straightforward and he wasn't ready for it, he needed a gradual approach, and the proof is that his sister wiped his tears in front of you and he let her. Did you at least catch a tear when you pressed your cheek against his?

I guess if you had sat between both of them and comforted his sister first, he would have been more open, seeing his sister's tears wiped with a positive reaction, more than probably, would have lowered his guard enough for you to be allowed to wipe his tears.

Good luck next time, keep all your senses open to have the best approach.

 

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