1 - Ella
- Great One
Offline - Registered: June 24, 2015
- Posts: 213
Help/advice
It's a weird contradiction: I enjoy seeing crying under certain circumstances (attractive male or the occasional tough female, usually in a movie) but I am just as much made EXTREMELY uncomfortable with tears if the person crying is anyone I know or am close with. I also do not like to cry myself and try not to whenever possible. And I can't even remember the last time I cried openly in front of others.
This is all to say, my husband just died unexpectedly and I am not looking forward to the days and weeks to come. I wonder if this fetish will leave me for awhile or forever.
- TorNorth
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Re: Help/advice
I don't know, but my condolences. Hope you can stay strong.
Ugly crying is pretty crying
- Amans lacrimae
- Master in comforting (Moderator)
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- Posts: 5,217
Re: Help/advice
My condolences, I'll lift a prayer for you and your husband. About the fetish, at this time you associate tears with utmost pain, therefore your rejection for it. Once you heal and cry all you need to (I personally have seen healing through tears) you will learn to "be in terms" with tears and crying.
If I can be of any help feel free to pm.
God bless.
- NeedHerSobs
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- Posts: 377
Re: Help/advice
First of all, my sincere sympathies for your loss. I'm sure we all wish you support and easing of pain.
Second of all, this fetish can definitely be difficult to compartmentalize. It may help if you can remember that it's just another way of venting emotions, as much as talking about them jn general is. Everyone has their own way of mourning. It may be that you'll discover your own way that works for you, with or without tears. It's perfectly okay to feel uncomfortable at a time like this, and I don't think anyone would blame you for it. If you're accepting them, I'm sending you a warm bear hug along with my good wishes for your healing in whatever time is right for you.
"Bless me now with your fierce tears..."
- inmyarmsagain
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- Posts: 210
Re: Help/advice
Ella wrote:
It's a weird contradiction: I enjoy seeing crying under certain circumstances (attractive male or the occasional tough female, usually in a movie) but I am just as much made EXTREMELY uncomfortable with tears if the person crying is anyone I know or am close with. I also do not like to cry myself and try not to whenever possible. And I can't even remember the last time I cried openly in front of others.
This is all to say, my husband just died unexpectedly and I am not looking forward to the days and weeks to come. I wonder if this fetish will leave me for awhile or forever.
I'm so so sorry for your loss.
The advice is there's no way around this only through. You're going to be greiving and crying is a normal and necessary part of the process. Suppressing it will only make it harder in the long term.
- Ella
- Great One
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- Posts: 213
Re: Help/advice
Thank you all so much for your kind words. It's helpful to hear your perspectives and correct how this has all sort of mentally shifted for me now as I compartmentalize.
Obviously there's so many angles to this thing I'm dealing with right now, in addition to the basic grieving/loneliness:
-funeral planning, legal legwork
-trying to be there for my devastated children (junior high and elementary aged)
-worries about the future and going forward as a single parent on only one income
These are all things everyone is aware of and therefore wanting to help me with, and then there's this other little thing on my mind that they don't know and I definitely CAN'T talk about with anyone except you guys. Which is why I posted. Part of me feels like this is karmic, I'm getting what I deserve for all these years avoiding crying myself whilst scouring the internet for my guilty pleasure of watching others crying.
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Thread Starter- NeedHerSobs
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- Posts: 377
Re: Help/advice
There's definitely nothing karmic about it. Everyone has their kinks. The universe has no sense of responsibility, nor does it make cruel jokes. Sometimes things just line up in ways we don't expect, for better or for worse. I'm sure all of us here have your back and will gladly be there to talk about whatever you need to.
"Bless me now with your fierce tears..."
- psychic_girl
- Godlike
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- Posts: 1,454
Re: Help/advice
Thank you all so much for your kind words. It's helpful to hear your perspectives and correct how this has all sort of mentally shifted for me now as I compartmentalize.
Obviously there's so many angles to this thing I'm dealing with right now, in addition to the basic grieving/loneliness:
-funeral planning, legal legwork
-trying to be there for my devastated children (junior high and elementary aged)
-worries about the future and going forward as a single parent on only one income
These are all things everyone is aware of and therefore wanting to help me with, and then there's this other little thing on my mind that they don't know and I definitely CAN'T talk about with anyone except you guys. Which is why I posted. Part of me feels like this is karmic, I'm getting what I deserve for all these years avoiding crying myself whilst scouring the internet for my guilty pleasure of watching others crying.
I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope your soul will gradually mend until you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I think you shouldn't feel guilty about the way you experience mourning or any other raw emotion. I was told too at 14 years old that I hadn't loved my grandma that much because I hadn't cried at her funeral as it was expected.
I used to cry at home at night but during the day I didn't feel like it for some reason because some particular state of pain about loss only popped up in the evening or at night. It was just a bit strange but over the years I realized that the evenings and the nights were the special moments when she would read me stories and then later on I would read to her or we would talk about various things after midnight. That was when the realization of her death struck me the most and during the day my school concerns or other things will tone it down. Maybe it was that Ihad to pass an important exam that year and I still had to stay focused on studying and my mind found ways to cope with loss and anguish.
Last edited by psychic_girl (April 21, 2023 7:44 pm)
''I like crying. And now I not only wanna cry and show my crying to other people, I wanna just split myself down the middle and open my guts and just throw everything out!''
Woody Harrelson
- inmyarmsagain
- Great One
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- Registered: January 19, 2015
- Posts: 210
Re: Help/advice
Thank you all so much for your kind words. It's helpful to hear your perspectives and correct how this has all sort of mentally shifted for me now as I compartmentalize.
Obviously there's so many angles to this thing I'm dealing with right now, in addition to the basic grieving/loneliness:
-funeral planning, legal legwork
-trying to be there for my devastated children (junior high and elementary aged)
-worries about the future and going forward as a single parent on only one income
These are all things everyone is aware of and therefore wanting to help me with, and then there's this other little thing on my mind that they don't know and I definitely CAN'T talk about with anyone except you guys. Which is why I posted. Part of me feels like this is karmic, I'm getting what I deserve for all these years avoiding crying myself whilst scouring the internet for my guilty pleasure of watching others crying.
NOTHING karmic about it. These things can happen to anyone. I almost lost my husband last year and it was a very close thing.
Just remember, It's important that your children see you demonstrate that expressing feelings is ok so they don't feel the need to suck it up and so they feel they can open up to you. Being string for them doesn't mean acting like you're ok. We're all here for you. While this community bonds over a shared kink, we all know the difference between aesthetic crying and getting a kick out of someone's real life devastation. We're not here to get any enjoyment out of this but only to offer support in any way we can. I'm sending you the biggest hugs.
- Ella
- Great One
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- Registered: June 24, 2015
- Posts: 213
Re: Help/advice
Just remember, It's important that your children see you demonstrate that expressing feelings is ok so they don't feel the need to suck it up and so they feel they can open up to you. Being string for them doesn't mean acting like you're ok. We're all here for you. While this community bonds over a shared kink, we all know the difference between aesthetic crying and getting a kick out of someone's real life devastation. We're not here to get any enjoyment out of this but only to offer support in any way we can. I'm sending you the biggest hugs.
Thank you for this. All very true and well explained.
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Thread Starter