DacryphiliaZdwnss wrote:

Hi, I'm new here.

Gender: genderfluid, but leaning towards transfeminine.

Sexual orientation: demisexual/pansexual.

Age: 23.

Location: Mostly China, sometimes in the United States.

I suffer from severe depression (though it has improved with treatment), and I am probably the person who cries the most on this forum. I cry at least seven times a day on average, often crying all day. When I cry, I produce copious amounts of tears that almost never stop (once, when I had a breakdown in the middle of the night, I found that my pillow was soaked through with tears, and the back of the pillow was wet as well). 

A few years ago, when I used to cry at school (usually eight or nine times per day), it was mostly silent, but my whole body would shake violently, not just because of sobbing, but also because my crying often co-occurs with physical symptoms of depression. Now when I cry, I tend to make sobbing noises, but don't scream. When I cry heavily, I tend to hyperventilate slightly. My facial expressions can be very intense when crying, or not very noticeable at all, but my lips always curl up no matter what. When I cry, tears fall from all edges of my eyes, covering my whole face. Sometimes there are seven or eight streaks on my face, and tears constantly fall, so every time I blink, new tears fall and stay on my face. The tears are usually large and the streaks are thick. The sound of my crying is extremely weak and shaky, leading others to become very protective of me and describe my voice as pleasant (in fact, I've tried voice acting and was very successful). Usually, I make gasping sounds when I cry, but if I don't, there will be very small nasal sounds (some people say I sound like a small stray cat when I cry).

My emotional crying often lasts for more than three hours, and if there is no one to comfort me, or if nothing happens to distract me, it's hard for me to stop crying. Many times, I've cried for an entire day without stopping. I drink a lot of water, and afterward, I write about my self-obs in that day. I have several bottles specifically for collecting tears, and now I have four 500mL bottles filled with tears, and this is just from crying at home in one year. My eyes are rarely not swollen or red every day. Although I rely on tears to release emotions, I still self-harm very often. 

I enjoy dizziness and fatigue after crying, although my eyes will be very uncomfortable and my heart will ache after crying. Nonetheless, I still cry for short periods at least six times a day and almost every day I have long episodes of severe emotional crying. I may be addicted to crying, and I cannot live without tears, or else I may commit suicide.

I have tried voice acting for some Boyfriend Rollplay ASMR videos, including some Reverse Comfort.

I used to have an excellent friend when I was in school, who was my class monitor at the time. She could tolerate my crying and vulnerability. I often laid next to her and cried, dropping tears on her clothes. She often hugged me, touched my head, and I cried even harder, shaking together in her arms. Every time she comforted me, her clothes were soaked through. I think she may be a person who enjoys watching others cry (she said she would protect me because I was weak). We cried together many times, but her frequency of crying was not high, although her crying was intense when it occurred. (Although my normal crying is more intense than hers.)

I have known that I am a dacryphllian since I was very young. I find it difficult to feel sexual desire or pleasure in that area, I just think people who cry look beautiful. I have always loved watching others cry, feeling a sense of beauty, and I also feel strong sadness, which often makes me cry. Many times, I cry with others, especially with that friend (many times). If you want to read the self-obs of the person who cries the most in this forum, please wait for me to write them when I am emotionally stable. Describing my crying during a depressive episode will only make me cry harder and it would be impossible for me to type.

Welcome and thank you very much for being brave and open up like you did. I hope you continue to heal and get better. And, eagerly awaiting for your obs and self obs.