Carrotcake, your post came from out of the blue.  I lost my mother exactly one year ago today.  So far, no crying but I'm pretty sure it will happen at some point in the next few hours.  Like yours, my mother had been ill for quite awhile due to Vascular Dementia, and I hadn't seen her in about 8 years - by the end, she wasn't recognizing my father and I was pretty sure she would have had no idea who I was, so losing her wasn't a huge shock.  But the realization that she's gone does hit at awkward moments, and it's happened throughout this year - I suspect it will happen for many years to come, but at less frequent intervals.  "Stalking memories" and all that.

I'll keep you and boyfriend in my thoughts.  And give yourselves permission to be a bit more quarrelsome - grief works itself out in many ways, not just crying.

I'm really sorry to hear of your mothers passing Carrotcake - a extremely difficult time for you and your boyfriend. Words are never enough at a time like this so sending huge hugs.

Like caircair says grief is an unpredictable emotion, one minute your fine, next your in bits. Give yourself time to grieve and do whats best for you and your boyfriend.
It will be a big comfort that you will have each other to lean on. There will be times when you will be strong for him and him for you - and times when you will both cry together - a combination of the three helps so much over time.

Take care and only post here when you feel ok to do so - there are more important things in this world than us lot.

Look after yourself - <<hugs>>

Carrotcake, I'm sending you all my love. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.  Huge hugs for both you and your boyfriend.

I've been trying to find the right words, but there's nothing I can really said that hasn't already been said.  I'm, too, am very sorry for your loss.

I wonder if at times like this (as in the boyfriend obs you shared) if it would be some small source of comfort to have the fetish - like some small little silver lining on an otherwise dark cloud - or if it makes no difference.  I'm trying to remember, but I'm thinking only about two forum members have shared such serious types of obs (or generalizations about serious obs) with the group.  One has said that while they don't get aroused by the tears at the time of something serious, they do remember them in their head for a later time when those emotions aren't so intense.  So that seems like a partial silver lining.  Another person just seemed to be incredibly heartbroken over the other person's pain.  They didn't really say, but I came away with the impression it was more like pure heartbreak for them and little else.  I don't know, but if so, that would be doubly sad, since it would be sort of nice to think our fetish had some sort of upside that helped us through tough times.  There are enough downsides to the fetish as it is.

I guess I'm wondering what the experience was like from your perspective, with going through all the crap you're going through, and then having your boyfriend break down on top of that (but of course, don't feel like you have to answer).  Do you think having the fetish made you feel any better than you would have felt otherwise in that situation?  Or does having a crying fetish hold no advantage whatsoever?

And this question can also be answered by anybody if they have something to say on the subject.