@Woundedpuppy: Well, I haven't experience the death of someone I am close to (but there are approximately 8 people in this universe who I am emotionally close to). However, last night I had a pretty horrifying nightmare where my Dad passed away, and nobody in the family including my mother and sister cared. I was lying on my side weeping (in the dream), and while I was weeping I was thinking how this could be a pretty neat obs for the messageboard.

I subscribe to what caircair said, it's different when you're not personally involved.

I'm so sorry for your loss Cair-cair, your post made me think about my mum and the many times i upset her. I have always told her if she dies i'll die too cause i can't imagine my life without her, though i'm mostly dependent on her and it's a form of clingy attitude and egoistic feeling from my part. It's like a black spot actually, thinking that one day i may be in your situation..even the thought of it takes my breath.. and i wonder wether crying and consuming the grief ever eases the pain..

It is interesting, Woundedpuppy. I certainly understand why someone would NOT be aroused when they were in great pain, and there actually have been times when I have been in such anguish that I'm not able to be aroused by crying. I think it's probably due to the fact that the pain at this point is a general ache more than a sharp, raw sting. I think that in my case (and of course, everyone reacts differently to these things), because of the fact that I've been going through the grieving process for over a year during her entire illness, I didn't react to her death with quite as much sting and intensity as I would have if it had been sudden. Again, that's just me. I think if it had been more sudden, the emotions would have taken a different course and probably would have overtaken my ability to be aroused by my boyfriend's crying.

I also think that I have such a healthy view of my fetish in general because of how accepting my boyfriend is of it. If he were more wary or even turned off by it, I would surely be MUCH more insecure about it. That's part of the reason I'm afraid to tell anyone else in real life.

I'm very colse to my mum , so close that sometimes i'm the one smothering her and babying her, mostly in my words then in my deeds. In my case i'm more distant with my father, i can't find any support from him and he annoys me every time we discuss. I'm glad my parents divorced when i was little because their relationship was horrible. They could never stop arguing and at fault was my father, who's the most difficult and nit-picking man i ever know. That's way my relationship with other men figures is affected and i don't trust men generally while with women i'm much more open and friendly. i derive much more satisfaction in frienships with women then in relationsgips with men.  My mother is very straightfoward towards me , she respects my decisions and is very protective too, sometimes even overly so. I don't think i can cope with my life if something wrong goes on her, i'm anxious even when she catches a cold or has a stomach acke.