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February 12, 2024 8:49 pm  #11


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Dear all,
I didn't know if I should make a new post, but I don't think it would have been necessary. Please forgive me if this not the appropriate place.

I've been thinking of this website often, for a long time, but couldn't bring myself to come back for some reason, although I've never really been active to begin with. 
I've written and deleted this message several times, I feel foolish thinking about it so much. And I also feel like a stalker for frequently visiting this website as a guest haha
I dreamed of this website last night, which was strange, so I thought it was “sign” to come back (it's silly)

For starters, I am a little bit scared about my own intimacy with dacryphilia, and then I got worried about being a fraud; what if my interest in dacryphilia doesn't extend to “ what it is supposed to be”? I don't enjoy seeing people cry, it causes me trouble and I find it harmful for me, it only makes me cry more… but I feel liberation and even purgation when I cry, and I think I might cry a little too often compared to most people.
On another note, I also do love the intimacy between someone who cries and someone who watches. 

I felt quite overwhelmed by this feeling of being a fraud and was afraid of being a disappointment, I tend to overthink too much.
Nevertheless, I believe that this place is somewhat the closest website I can find to find comfort and answers to my liking toward the word dacryphilia, and the only safe place I'll ever find to share, and maybe understand too, my relationship with tears and my high emotions. 

I hope my return isn't inconvenient and that I can find a place here in spite of the few years I've been missing. 

Looking forward to sharing and exchanging with all of you a little more..!



I'd love to take the time to reply now, and I apologize for the delay in answering your questions:

Amans lacrimae wrote:

Wow, I am surprised some strangers comforted you, did they hold you in their arms, just comforted you verbally, wiped your tears from your cheeks, gave you tissue to wipe your tears?

Which gesture did you find more comforting?( If any)

Most of the time, people talk to me softly and comfort me with words and kind gestures such as offering me tissues or giving me the time to let me cry until it stops. Sometimes, people hold me in their arms and even cradle me, but I only allow this kind of gesture from people I feel very close to. I once had a panic attack while waiting for the bus with a coworker and he tried to embrace me to comfort me, although I hope it was just an act of kindness from him, it made me feel a little more scared and I felt a little bad for rejecting him.
I still find being held in someone's arms more comforting, maybe it also comes from the fact that I am not very tall, so it feels sweet and reassuring to be wrapped up in someone's arms. Which is also why I need to fully trust the person holding me; for me, it feels like I am offering my vulnerability to the person holding me, I can not give that to just anyone.

TorNorth wrote:

Welcome! I like your description of your own crying. Does your lip curl and tremble at the same time, or does it tremble first before curling out?

Thank you very much! although it's a bit late.. To answer your question, it depends, I would say both, but I think my lips tremble before curling slowly more often. Sometimes I try to keep my crying to myself and to stay silent, but then I end up shaking and “hiccupping” in some way.


« A mon chagrin, il fallait, cette nuit-là, les orgues de la pluie dans les caniveaux et les tonneaux. » — Violette Leduc, La Bâtarde.
 

February 12, 2024 9:51 pm  #12


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Thank you for having the courage to showing yourself and introducing again. Thank you for answering, I hope you feel more comfortable with us now.

By the way, has your mom (who you mention is interested in tears) wiped or kissed your tears?

 

February 12, 2024 10:16 pm  #13


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Happy to see you around again. Your descriptions sound lovely.


"Bless me now with your fierce tears..."
 

February 13, 2024 2:45 pm  #14


Re: ✿ Self-Introduction

Thank you both for your replies, I am sure and I hope that I feel more comfortable now! Maybe I had a lot of questions going on too, which caused me to need some time to reflect on myself.

Amans lacrimae wrote:

By the way, has your mom (who you mention is interested in tears) wiped or kissed your tears?

Given that she is my mother, yes, she has wiped my tears, we have always been very close ever since I'm a child. However, I don’t think this is related to her interest in tears and I don't think she has any interest in mine either! We talk about that sometimes but mostly about other people, and I find it curious how, although she raised me and we are very close, our interests and nature are completely different.


« A mon chagrin, il fallait, cette nuit-là, les orgues de la pluie dans les caniveaux et les tonneaux. » — Violette Leduc, La Bâtarde.
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