ComfortCasanovette wrote:

Hello there internet strangers.
God, how sad is this. I'm close to so few people. I grew up awkward, different. I was an odd child. On the spectrum. Sweet, beautiful, self depricating. Self hating. I'm a lovely person now, but i lack closeness in a platonic sense. The only people I love romantically love me platonically. My heart is heavy. I treat alchohol like a numbing agent. I come by it honestly.
Tonight, I cry in my heart, but I am so lonely. I crave the intimacy of crying with one of you. Any of you so long as you dont harm me. My heart is scarred for this month from an event that left me afraid of of affection, but I wish I could be held as i outwardly sob. I feel my cries unreleased in the center of my chest, bloated like a meal undigested. I need to scream and cry and sob against someone's chest, til my tears run down their shirt and stain it wet, til my aching sobs ring through like a bell in your chest as well as mine. How would you hold me? What would you say? How would you comfort me as i weep? I long to live in this role play, fake as it may be, in the pain of my present isolation. Paint me a picture, fiction as it may be. How would you hold me? Woukd you cry with me, sob for sob, shudder for shudder of breath unrestrained?

For referance, unabashadly, perhaps boastingly, i am beautiful. Soft and supple figured. Big, dark eyes full of tears unshed. Prominent cheekbones and a dimpled chin. Curly hair the color of wheat with warm streaks of warm chocolate. My stomach, chest, full of sobs, my eyes full of tears. Allow mw this in my soft intoxication: what would you do? How would you hold me, soothe me, allow my tears to fall? How would you get me to sob, and further more, comfort me as i do, if only to fufill this pounding ache in my chest?

Forgive me this ask, acheing as it is. I need to feel close to someone, anyone, in my unshed tears

First, I would hold you on my arms as I encourage you to let it all out: “It’s ok to cry, don’t feel ashamed for crying in front of me, I promise to wipe and kiss all your tears and streaks until no trace of tears remains on your face. Feel free to sob as loud or soft.”

As soon as I feel your tears wetting my shirt I would hold you tighter: “Release it all, you’ll feel better.”

After a minute or two I would break the hug and, keeping at arms, wiping and kissing your tears.

I've experienced this once (in RL) with my ex.   It was on one of our first dates: It was already 1 o'clock in the night and we were sitting on the sofa in my home. (we had an argument where she also claimed about her feelings and for some reasons I just didn't believe her....)  Then suddenly and quite surprising without expecting at all she started to cry. (full bawl!)  She burried her face into the sofa and then onto my shirt.  We indeed both said nothing anymore and just lay there side on side, while she continued sobbing w. nonstop tears for at least 30 minutes, until we both fell asleep... I didn't cry myself but one moment that was a quite real and intense experience and probably also an unfakeable proof of trust.  (we came together after that day, the rs lasted for 3years and several times we had an argument later she reminded me about this day)