I was having one of those nights where you can’t sleep cause you’re overthinking and it got away from me a little. I’ve been pretty repressed for most of my life so I’m trying to let myself cry at least a little whenever it comes on, so I didn’t try to think of something else and sat up a little. Not entirely, but raising my head up from the pillow and resting on my elbows instead. A teardrop dripped out of the corner of my eye down my cheek and onto the pillow, soon followed by a few more. I put my hand on my face, with the pointer finger on my nose, and a tear ran down my finger past my hand and all the way down my arm. Despite crying calmly I really felt that uncomfortable lump in my throat and knot in my chest you get when something is wrong, and I couldn’t shake the feeling.

My friend who works nightshift and evenings shifts had been texting me casually through the day, and looking at my phone I realized she just got off work.

I haven’t cried in front of her before (I know I always say that in my obs but I didn’t really start crying in front of others until last year so it’s nearly every time xD) but I have talked to her about emotions and this problem before so I thought she could help me feel better, so I asked her to call me and she did.
When she first picked up i heard a voice that wasn’t hers in the background, and I thought it was her coworker and she hadn’t left the building yet. That snapped me out of it a little cause the of calling her crying when she was standing in a group of people was embarrassing. It wasn’t,it was the announcement voice in an elevator, but I didn’t know that. We talked normally for a while, after that. She walked home while telling me about her day and otherwise distracting me.

When she got home, she asked me how I’ve been and I admitted I originally called because I was upset. She seemed surprised and asked why, and I told her “this is stupid, but…” and told her what it was. She agreed with what I was saying and told me she understands my feelings about it. My voice was coated with emotion but remained low pitched and low volume while I spoke. I said again that I feel silly to care so much about it, and she went into a short rant about how it’s understandable and she thinks I deserve what I wanted out of the situation.

I let out an audible sob, and instinctively covered my mouth because I wasn’t expecting it. At that point there had been no tears for 10 minutes and it was suddenly back. She went quiet for a second, realizing I was crying. She chose not to acknowledge it, and kept assuring me. Tears started coming again and I sobbed quietly in between sentences, not making sound into the microphone. She could surely still hear me cry because of my jagged breathing. I had my chin in my hand and let the tears drip down my hand and fall onto the pillow. I sniveled and mumbled “I’m sorry” about the crying and she just responded “it’s okay”.
I continued to softly ramble, tears slowly falling onto the pillow and forming a circle of little drops beneath me.

Afterwards she changed the subject and went back to talking about the usual stuff we talk about. After we had done that for a while, I felt like I’d calmed down and told her I’m gonna try to sleep again. We said all the regular pleasantries and good nights and hung up. I did get to sleep pretty soon after.

I wish I’d gotten to talk about it more but at the same time I had nothing to say. I just wanted to sit in it a little, I think. Regardless, it helped to get to talk a bit about it rather than just cry in bed.