1 of 1- TorNorth
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Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
Few weeks ago my wife moved to the UK with me permanently. As you can imagine, she left 100 million people she loved and cared about behind. She's confessed to crying about it several time in the past few weeks, though never when I am around. Few days ago I came home from work and found her in a rather dour and snappy mood. Her eyes were red and watery, and she had a tissue in her hand. I asked her why she has a tissue. She snapped that her eyes were watering. I asked her if it was hayfever. She said it was. Then she raised the tissue to her eyes, I saw her chin wrinkle a little....and then my mother knocked on the bedroom door. My wife snapped out of it in an instant and started behaving normally. Later she confessed that she was crying before I came in.
Anyway, recently I told my wife about how I sometimes feel depressed and angry. She made me promise that I would go to her whenever I felt like that. So I in turn made her promise that whenever she felt like crying she would come to me. I guess I have a double agenda for the promise I got from her....
She's told me before that she doesn't want to cry in front of me. But hopefully she'll come around.
Ugly crying is pretty crying
- inmyarms
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Re: Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
Not a missed opportunity.a growing experience.a suggestion.if you see her in a "mood" again, don't ask her if is hay fever.don't say anything.and don't wait for her.just go give her a hug.the tears will come omg their own when you do.
Tears are the last gift of true love.
- tearhunter
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Re: Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
I agree with 'inmyarms' - you probably guess early on she was upset - give her a hug without saying anything - means she does not have to give you an excuse. Some women can't hold back the tears when they are on the edge and being comforted.
Why does she not want to cry in front of you?
You need to let her know (gently) that tears are allowed and crying is ok and that you are their for her and not to judge - there is nothing to be embarrased about. I know you probably do this already and I'm stating the obvious.
- TorNorth
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Re: Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
"Why does she not want to cry in front of you?"
She has a problem crying in front of people she knows in general. She didn't cry in front of her relatives when they were saying goodbye to her, even though they were in floods. It was after going into the passenger only area of the airport that she sat on a bench and cried (quite a lot, based on what she told me).
Ugly crying is pretty crying
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Thread Starter- tearhunter
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Re: Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
Have you ever seen her cry?
If she was to break down and cry (not being able to hold it in) would she stay and cry or go somewhere to cry alone?
When she cries does she shed many tears? What does she do with those tears?
It's very interesting this dislike of crying in front of close others tends to be only present in guys, not women.
- Caramelo
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Re: Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
I don't cry in front of others, like TorNorth's wife.
- woundedpuppy
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Re: Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
And I thought I had it bad with a hubby who doesn't like to cry and rarely cries, but I don't feel like he'd hide it from me (unless we were in a fight) as I think he'd know how much it would mean to me to see it. So I really feel for you, TorNorth! At least you got a bit of an obs. Remember it well... and good luck getting more...
- inmyarms
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Re: Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
tearhunter wrote:
I agree with 'inmyarms' - you probably guess early on she was upset - give her a hug without saying anything - means she does not have to give you an excuse. Some women can't hold back the tears when they are on the edge and being comforted.
Why does she not want to cry in front of you?
You need to let her know (gently) that tears are allowed and crying is ok and that you are their for her and not to judge - there is nothing to be embarrased about. I know you probably do this already and I'm stating the obvious.
Not just women.
I've noticed when someone is really fighting the tears, an embrace drops the defenses instantly.
Last edited by inmyarms (June 12, 2013 5:17 pm)
Tears are the last gift of true love.
- tearhunter
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Re: Sort of minuscule obs (or a missed opportunity)
I don't cry in front of others, like TorNorth's wife.
Can I ask you to explain why you don't cry in front of others?
Do you cry in private? How often and do you allow yourself to cry openly with flowing tears?