I have a whole range of chronic medical issues.I'm kind I of playing whack a mole with my body trying to keep out running. I spp poke top one of my doctors this morning and she wasn't very helpful. On top of all my other daily issues, chronic pain, financial mess.....I hung up the phone and sobbed. Just s little. Two or three big ones but only one tear escaped. It stopped abruptly as my tears tend to do. A few minutes later I felt it overwhelm me again. I put my head down on my forearm and sobbed again, three or four heavy ones and then again like a switch it turned off. There were two fresh tears in my cheeks. Over the next ten minutes or so it came and went rapidly. I'd feel a link,a great, then nothing, two more tears, a sob, then nothing. And then my husband came in. And I lost it. Two huge tears raced down to my chin and I buried my face in my elbow. I lifted it again abd as I tried to speak the mite came out. My husband asked m me some questions about what the doctor had said but I didn't understand enough to answer. as I told him I didn't know what was going on my voice broke and cracked abd I would the tears away as they reached my chin which I dint usually do. Eventually I moved back into my bed.I was face down on my bed sobbing very quietly, noting with a detached fascination the shapes the tears were making as they spilled down and stained my bedsheets. My poor husband didn't know what to do with me. He's the kind of guy who wants to fix things and he's rendered stupid when he doesn't know how to solve it.I felt bad for him, which is why I was reigning in the sounds and covering my face. I pressed the blanket to my eyes and I could feel the tears betting absorbed by the fabric as they formed. At one point I lifted my face and tested the blanket under my chin. The tears staked down and into my blanket cover.  I knew if I totally fell apart he'd be wracked with guilt for his inability to make it all better. He stayed with me silently for a while while I cried. I haven't cried in months with the exception of a movie a watched. It almost felt unfamiliar.maybe that's why my body kept trying to shut it down. It almost succeeded.when my husband left I went on Facebook and saw a photo and a birth announcement from an acquaintance of mine. The can't boy was so completely perfect and it has been sui long since I had a newborn and nite I don't know if I will get to again and it just started me up all over. This time I didn't hide. I grabbed my phone and snapped some pictures. You're welcome.

Last edited by inmyarms (December 22, 2013 4:15 pm)