It has to do with my boyfriend. It was when I stayed after school last Friday for pep band (me and my boyfriend have it together). We were just standing around and talking, and he asked me "Do you think we're gonna get married?" I said "I can't give a definitive answer, I haven't got to be around you or get a good feel of who you are yet. But I do see potential." And he was like "Yeah, it's about the same for me." Then he asked me what kind of things would get in the way or hinder us getting married. I told him that I could get bored of him, I could lose interest, etc. Then he asked me if there's anyone else I'm in love with. Now, there is this guy that lives far from me that I've had an on and off relationship for four years. The only reason I broke up with him is because I wanted to experience real life relationships with guys I could touch and hold, but other than that, he is freakishly perfect for me personality wise. We're exactly alike, he's literally the male version of me. Now back to me and my boyfriend's conversation. At first I said no. And he kept asking me "Are you sure?" and telling me that it's okay if I do and that I shouldn't be afraid to tell him. After many no's, he said "You better not be lying to me." Finally, I told him that there was something I needed to get off of my chest. Since I couldn't say it without stuttering and getting nervous, he let me type it on his phone. I typed, "Well there's this guy named - that lives in - that I've had an on and off relationship with for 4 years. He's still crazy in love with me and I still have the same feelings I've had for him four years ago. I just broke up with him because I wanted a boyfriend I could see in real life. But while I still have feelings for him, I wouldn't break up with you for him since I prefer real life relationships." After he got done reading it he was like "Oh, okay." I was like "So you don't care?" Then he looked down with a depressed look and said "Well... Yeah, I do care actually." I told him that I'm sorry, and asked why (stupid question, I know, I just wanted to hear his answer). He said "It just feels bad knowing you have feelings for someone else. I thought you loved me and only me." I explained that this online guy would never get in the way of our relationship or ever get me to break up with him. Then he asked me why I have feelings for the other guy, and I told him that we're almost exactly alike and that we always have something to talk about and how we've just formed a strong bond over the years. I told him why I broke up with the other guy, which led to him asking "So if he went to your school, who would you choose? Me or him?" And then I said "Honestly, I don't know. To be honest, I would probably already be dating him before we even met if he lived here." Then he had another depressed look on his face and said "Okay. Thank you for being honest with me." Then he gave me a kiss on the forehead. His reaction made me feel so much worse about it. I felt so guilty afterward. Well the day after (which was yesterday) was his birthday. Keep in mind we usually text everyday at least a little. I texted him a happy birthday message. But it showed that he read it, and ignored it. Later on at night I sent a message that read "Baby?" and he didn't see it until a couple of hours ago and still hasn't texted me all day. I just sent him a couple messages about how he's worrying me and that I hope he had a good birthday. And he just read it several minutes ago, still not responding. I'm really, really, really stressing out about all of this right now. The last thing I want is for him to break up with me. He's the kind of guy that I thought would NEVER ignore me. I feel so heartbroken, guilty, and horrible right now I just had to vent. :'(