psychic_girl wrote:

Oh tearhunter, more then your crying experience i was wondering what was the reason of it. But nevertheles i don't want to seem intrusive. I really hope you're better now  ! Such amount of crying can be draining..
I rememberd doing something similar a few years ago when i was in shock after an incident at my exams , i cried for 4 hours continually..i was exhausted and dehydrated afterwards.
I think your emotional experience was something that in meny ways touched all the other people around you, in even subtle inexpressive ways but yet your reccolection of all those details in the mist of it , is even yet more compellling.
 

Yes, it was completely exhausting - I cried on and off all day - and it was not just the odd tear it was a complete flood each time, but the end of the day I had a headache and felt completely drained - I went to bed early and after lying in bed crying for about 10 minutes I had to get up and put a towel on my pillow because it was wet from tears.

It would have been interesting in a way to know the reaction of other people who saw me - and at other times after this episode - but there was no way I was going to stop and find out. As I mentioned I think the doctor was moved a bit - I'm certain she had tears in her eyes - not the about to cry volume of tears but a definite increase in emotion.

It's fairly safe to say that these two episodes where the most intense in front of medical professionals but not the only occasions. I few came quite close to this intensity however! I'm not going to go into details about each one but I'll list a few below...  but after crying in front of so many people over the course of these two days I went through a period where I did not care whether I cried in front of what was effectively stranges. Whether it was because I did not have the energy to fight my tears or whether I simply did not care about displaying my emotions I'm not sure but if I felt like crying I cried - generally the response was accepting and of concern and support - however a few occasions I felt a degree of negativity towards me. Anyway a summary below:

(1) Female specialist in my condition: met this woman 6 separate times and cried each time She actually encouraged me to cry - told me not to hold back and generally I did'nt. She never handed me tissues, said she want me to feel the tears and be aware how my body felt and what it was doing while I was crying. There might be a post in this at some stage in the future. Crying ranged from a few tears to full on sobbing almost at the intensity of the previous observations - perhaps at times for a bit longer in duration as we were not as time pressured. I think I may have pulled off an involuntary lip curl with this woman as well - I was crying fairly loudly at one stage and I felt my lip and chin wobble - then I felt my mouth at a fair odd angle - clearly I could not see but I wondered later what I must have looked like.

(2) Same Female doctor as above - just tears down my cheeks this time.

(3) Male Doctor (not same as above) - lots of tears, almost sobbing at times - I was having a pretty rough day! He appeared to be a bit less accepting of me crying - he twice handed me tissue saying 'here' almost in an annoyed way as if to say stop crying now. But I did'nt care and continued to cry anyway. There was a bit of additional 'public' crying either side of this episode as well - I had to get the bus to this place and back - it was not my local medical centre. I was ok on the way there but felt the emotions rising while I was waiting in a busy waiting room. In my not caring who saw me state I sat with my head slight bowed down and allowed tears to roll unchecked down my face. A young woman sitting nearby actually got up shaking her head and moved to sit somewhere else! (was crying quietly - it was not as if I was making any noise). I was aware another guy was staring at me - but at last in an act of kindness and support a middle aged women next to me asked if I was ok, reached into her bag and gave me tissues. She said something like 'you don't look like you are having a good day' - I looked directly at her with tears rolling down my face and said 'Nope' - she responded by putting her had on my knee - friendly - and when she was called before me gave me a gentle hug - nice.

Edit: Continued...

I was very emotional after this appointment - appart from being in a pretty fragile state I was not happy with the reaction of the male doctor to me crying. It was not as comforting as previous and with my general reluctance to cry in front of other guys I just felt a bit humiliated. I was not crying as I got on the bus to go home, but by the reaction of the driver he could tell I have been crying - he did not say anything but his gaze lingered too long on my face! I sat down and just stared out of the window, 10 minutes into the journey tears started running down my face again - I was going over in my mind the appointment I'd just come from - initially I don't think anyone noticed, I was crying quietly and looking out of the window. But the bus got busier and eventully a middle aged woman sat next to me. She probably notice I was in tears before she sat down beside me, I very briefly looked away from the window as she got on and caught her eye before quickly turning back to the window. After a few minutes she leaned against me and wispered 'its ok crying is good for you' - I turned to look at her, I was still crying but this point my face was pretty wet and tear stained as I'd been crying for a good 10 minutes - she just went 'oh, look at you' and reached into her handbag for tissues as she handed them to me she said something like 'you guys don't know how to look after your self when you are crying' - I mumbled a thank you and so not to disappoint preceded to dry my face - although fresh tears were still falling. My new crying buddy clearly trying to 'cheer' me up said 'it could be worse you know - your not wearing make-up, you should see the state of me when I cry'. Not sure if it was just the presence of a stranger next to me but I started to calm down and within a few minuted I'd stopped crying. We talked - not in detail or long sentences about how life is difficult at times - although I did not tell her why I was crying and she did not ask. I got off the bus first, thanked her for the tissues and she just said 'take care'. Very nice and compassionate woman.

(4) Female Nurse: I became emotional as we discussed my condition, eyes filled with tears quickly and streamed down my face - only a brief cry - minute or so with probably 3-4 tears. No reaction from the nurse at all. Probably did not want to draw my attention to the fact I was crying to protect my potential embarrasement.

5) Male Consultant: Again as I talked my voice broke and eyes welled up, this older guy (probably mid 50's) steered the conversation away from what had just upset me. Although it was too late to prevent a tear from each eye rolling down my face - but for some reason I wiped these tears away from my face - not sure what made me do that.

Well that's it... I have a bit of a feeling that half the medical world has seen me crying in the past few months. I don't really hold any embarrasement with regard to any of the many people who have seen me cry - the majority I will probably never see again - for the ones that I might - my local medical staff, well so what - I don't think they are going to take an article out in the local paper or tell everyone they know about me crying in their presence!

It's actually been quite good for me to write this down - although it was hard for me I'm ok with you guys enjoying the many crying episodes I've described above - I sometimes wonder if one of you guys had been one of the people I met either in the waiting room or on that bus... what would you have done  

 

Last edited by tearhunter (April 3, 2015 1:54 pm)

There seem to be a lot of us in the medical profession on the forum, I'm sure this isn't a coincidence.  I second carrotcake in that I always hope to conduct myself in a way where those I take care for would not feel judged for their tears.  Usually I'm not struck by tears in the work place, however I don't think I've taken care of someone I found particularly attractive.  Overall, it seems like people were kind to you about the tears and I'm glad to hear that.  Certainly am personally glad you are doing better and am glad your writings have been as cathartic to you as they have been interesting to us.  Wishing you the best!

I think crying can be instinctively repellent to some people. It makes sense since with crying comes a bad situation. I kind of understand this. Despite the fact that it's my fetish, I often instinctively want to flee a situation where crying is happening, evening if it is a woman crying. This instinct is at odds with my fetish, but a lot of the time the instinct wins - which leads me to regret not staying there later on.

In fact, if I suddenly come across someone crying, my heart would actually leap as if from fright. The primary urge to just walk away is overwhelming.