This may be long... there has been more crying this week than in the past six months! Not sure why that is, but emotions have been running high.

Okay, not spectacularly interesting, but I've watched several movies this week, and I've teared up probably five times. Usually one or two tears, maybe a shaky breath.

Last week, my boyfriend and I went to see Inside Out. I definitely cried about five different times, starting with a scene right at the beginning. Maybe one tear escaped that time, but at the end...man, I would have bawled if I had been at home. Tears were rapidly falling down my face (probably ten or fifteen total), and I was trying really hard to be silent and not let out any audible sobs. I stole a couple of glances at my boyfriend (I didn't want to stare at him and ruin the impact of the movie for either of us), and his eyes were completely full of tears. I saw him discreetly wipe his cheeks with his right hand several times. I was sitting to the left of him, and he later told me that most of the tears had fallen down his right cheek for some reason.

There were also two young men sitting behind me (probably early to mid twenties) who I could hear sniffling during the climactic scene. Of course, I wanted to turn around and look...

Later that night, I was asking him about how much he teared up during the movie, and we ended up getting into a whole discussion about my fetish (I'm still amazed that this is something that can happen...). He was asking me details about what I enjoy, and I gave him a lot of specifics about aspects of crying that I like. It was quite wonderful to be so open about it.

The following day ended up being pretty emotional. Some things were going wrong in the morning (nothing major, just frustrating), but everything ended up getting figured out. Then my boyfriend and I sat down to watch a game and ended up getting intimate, which is obviously pleasant, but just added to the pile of emotion. A while later, we were just sitting around and talking, and some issues that my boyfriend has been dealing with started to come out. He was being very open and honest about all of them, and we even had a discussion about how much better he feels being open about everything rather than holding it in (which he tends to do). I kind of hoped for some tears, but they didn't happen. Yet.

So, that evening, we were lying in bed, and I'm not sure what happened, but I kind of had a breakdown. The stuff I posted about the other day (visiting home, my mother) was apparently not resolved when I cried over that movie. As I was talking, I was at first surprised that I wasn't getting more emotional, but then I suddenly felt tears coming on. They began to spill down my face as I was talking, and my chin was trembling. For some reason, I didn't want to just lie there and sob; I wanted to actually talk about what was bothering me, so I kept talking and didn't allow myself to completely lose control. My breathing was shaky and a bit erratic, and tears were constantly streaming down my face. I wiped them away occasionally, but I basically let them just fall. This probably went on for about half an hour.

At one point, I said something particularly upsetting, and I started to sob a little (fairly quiet sobs, a bit of BLT). My boyfriend had been lying up against me, but he suddenly put both arms around me and held me very tightly. I felt his body tense, and I realized that he was crying. He inhaled sharply, and then offered me some emotional, comforting words. His voice was distorted, and he had to stop every few words to catch his breath. When I pulled back from the embrace, his face was covered in tears, and his eyes were red and wet. I hugged him again, and he let out a few more shaky breaths and wiped his eyes.

Besides a couple of movies, this is the first time he's really cried in months. There are a couple of other instances that I don't think I ever wrote about. One occurred about five months ago -- he was going through a tough time at work. He told me that two or three times, he had been sitting at his desk working and feeling overwhelmed, and a few tears had fallen down his face.

The other instance is what I think of as the last time I saw him completely lose control and sob. This was in...February, maybe? Around the same time as the tearing up that I just mentioned. He was sick with a cold (that I gave him...oops), and he had some work he had to do that evening at home that would take a couple of hours. He was so worn out (this was a terrible cold), and everything had been extremely stressful for a couple of months. I could see that he was exhausted and worried, so I walked over to him at the table and put my arms around him (he was sitting in a chair; I was standing beside him). He was hugging me and kind of sniffling, but I thought it was an effect of the cold. After a minute, though, I realized that he was starting to cry. I held him more tightly, and he broke down in sobs. His whole body was shaking, and each sob lasted for probably fifteen seconds. This lasted for maybe ten minutes and was pretty intense. It was the rapid-fire type of sobbing, definitely voiced but not too loud. At some point, I suddenly felt a little dizzy (from the stupid cold), and I had to sit down immediately. I sat on the floor, and he joined me there. I wrapped my arms around him again, and he sobbed for another ten minutes or so. His face was completely covered in tears, along with my shirt, and he had to blow his nose several times when he was done.

That's pretty much the summary! He has mentioned that he thinks he'll cry more soon. He tends to let it build up slowly, but the release makes him feel excellent for a couple of weeks.