Last week I had an intense conversation with a psychologist concerning my son. I won't go into details but I realised two things:
- At one point the psychologist was wiping his nose. First I thought it is some normal "fingering" in the face like you do when you are talking/listening to each other. But shortly afterwards he wiped the side of his nose with both index fingers at the same time, like he was wiping away some wet from his eyes. I was reading different articles on the internet about psychiatrists and psychologists crying during therapy and found this issue quite interesiting.
- My discusion with the psychologist brought me to think about several things. I was spending a lot of time in my car because I was travelling and had some time to think and be alone and to cry for myself.
I cried 3 times in row, every morning when I got into my car the thoughts started circeling around and at some point I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. Each time it was just a short time where I cried and I didn't break down completely because I was driving at the same time. The fourth time I got in the car and felt like crying again but didn't let it happen. the whole day afterwards I was on the verge of tears, which didn't happen the days before. The interesting thing is, that when I was paying attention to the crying it gets worse. The tightness in the chest, the throat becomes more swollen, the crying sounds become more, louder and higher pitched, the tears are flowing faster. As soon as I let go and didn't "press" so much the crying became better. It is the first time in a long time I allowed myself to cry. Usually I just cry if I can't prevent it anymore and that is not very frequent. It was an interesting experience and I hope I get out of it in better condition than I was before.