Cried on and off for several hours last night. I'm diagnosed with PTSD and experienced a trigger that started a crying episode. I curled up on my side in bed and Henry held me (I was the "little spoon") while we talked and I cried. Mostly soft sobbing, with some moments of harder sobbing, and a steady flow of tears. I had to flip the pillow over before I could sleep afterwards, because my tears had made quite a soggy patch. 

I recalled the trigger again this morning and had another brief crying episode, sobbing hard for a minute or so and then a few minutes of tears. I'm honestly still a little tearful now. When I encounter a trigger like this, I often have intermittent reactions throughout the day. Earlier, and again right now, it seems.

Maybe I should document this episode as it happens for you all... there's a tightness in my chest and a lump in my throat, and my eyes feel hot. When I blink, I can feel the moisture in my eyelashes. My breathing is starting to tremble, there's a slight hitching to it. The tears are starting to fall now, trailing down my cheeks. My mouth is trembling, so are my hands. It's hard to see the screen with how my eyes are welling up — I'll finish this observation when I've stopped crying. I'll let you all know how long it takes.

Four minutes, by my count. I didn't quite sob, but my breathing hitched quite a bit. Looking in the mirror now, my face is rather red, especially in the nose, and there are three tear tracks, one from the middle of each eye and one from the corner of my left eye. The tears flowed down these tracks rather than falling in individual droplets, and trailed down my neck onto the collar of my shirt. My eyelashes are wet and stuck together, and there's a stray tear trailing down the side of my nose.

I do feel a little lighter now, though I will probably have more episodes like this throughout the day. Thank you for reading.

repressedjudie wrote:

feel free not to answer, dee, but I'm curious, what's the most or the longest that you've cried for? 

Depends on how you define it. A couple of years ago, when things were particularly bad, I had a period of about five or six months where I cried for at least 4-6 hours every day, sometimes continuously but usually off and on. It was completely debilitating. I could barely get out of bed most days. Within that time I had a span of three days that I consider my longest crying episode I've experienced—I wasn't awake for all of it, obviously, but for about those 72 hours, if I was anywhere near conscious, I was crying. I slept for about 18 hours afterwards, and my eyes were so irritated it hurt to open them for a week. These days, even my longest crying episodes only last a few hours. I know that sounds like a lot to most people, but with my history, I consider this the best my mental health has ever been. 

Thank you for asking, I appreciate the opportunity to talk about these things.

Since I cry so frequently, I figured I'd make a thread for detailing my experiences. I hope it's enjoyable to you all. Please let me know if there's any details you'd like me to mention or include.

I actually cried rather heavily today for what was probably most of the morning. I woke up after Henry had left for work, which is what originally prompted me to start crying. We try to get up and eat breakfast together, but I evidently slept through his alarm. I laid on my side in bed and cried for quite a while, occasionally sobbing softly, with tears dripping onto the pillow. I sat up after some time but didn't manage to stop crying. I was wearing one of Henry's shirts to sleep in, so I pulled it up over my face and cried into the collar until it was very sodden. 

Usually, my crying episodes are rather brief (though this wasn't always the case) but when I'm alone and don't find anything to distract myself, I tend to go on crying for quite some time, even after the original emotion has faded. I did eventually manage to calm down, in order to get up and get ready for the day. I didn't check the time, but it was likely somewhere between two and three hours that I spent crying.

I did have another crying episode today, but much shorter, just a few minutes of sobbing with a few tears that rolled down my cheeks. I don't know what prompted it. Sometimes it just happens. 

Thank you for reading.

Amans lacrimae wrote:

He’s sure a sweet guy, do you also wipe or kiss his tears?

Also, I’m curious, how did he know about this forum? I mean, it’s not easily found in a google search.

I do try to wipe his tears away when he cries, but he doesn't very often. Less often than I do, at least. As for the forum, Henry's actually been a dacryphile for longer than he's known me. Apparently it's a kink that goes back to childhood for him, which it appears is relatively common, given what I've read so far? He tends to lurk rather than post, though.

Hello everyone, please call me Dee. I'm male, bisexual. 28 years old. I currently live in the Midwest in an apartment with my boyfriend, Henry. I'm diagnosed with autism, PTSD, OCD, and major depressive disorder. I'm medicated, recovering, and doing much better than I was in my early 20s, but I still experience symptoms, including frequent, uncontrollable episodes of crying.

My boyfriend is the one who encouraged me to join this forum, as he thinks it would benefit me to talk more openly about my crying, as it's something that I only share with him, at the moment. I also have an interest in other people's crying, both men and women, particularly the aesthetics of tears and the reasons that people cry. I have difficulty identifying my emotions, so I'm interested to hear what other people feel when they cry.

I was not encouraged to cry as a child, and in fact punished severely for it, so up until recently, I never cried at all. But now, as I have mentioned, I cry frequently. The way that I cry varies. Sometimes I will have fits of sobbing where my eyes produce very few tears. Other times, I will sob very softly, with a heavy flow of tears. Occasionally there are only tears, no sobbing. I used to cover my face and scrub away any tears, but lately I have been letting them flow freely, in an effort to get more comfortable with the act of crying. Sometimes Henry will wipe the tears away for me, but usually I prefer he holds my hands, as my face is very sensitive to touch.

I also have certain medical conditions, including migraines that make it difficult to look at a computer screen, so I've given Henry the password to this account and permission to post about me or himself if he wants to. 

I hope that's sufficient as an introduction!