If she was honest with herself, she felt a bit guilty.  She had been so relieved to find out that he was safe, it took her longer than she felt it should have to feel the sadness of Yara’s loss.  Her heart ached for his wife, just a few weeks from giving birth.  There was no fathoming what she must have been going through.  Throughout the night, concern for him nagged at her, leaving her staring at the ceiling.  What must he be thinking now, having witnessed the shooting? What was it like to watch someone’s life drain from them?  Would he be different the next time she saw him? She shook her head to herself. No, he would bury it.  She had known his type before, but there was something different behind his quiet blue eyes.  She had seen a guilt swirling there, mixed with a pain he quickly had pushed away.  What did it do to a person to witness such awful things so close together? And to have a duty to protect.  Did he feel responsible?  The questions swirled in her head and made her slightly dizzy.  Sharply inhaling, she rolled over and dialed his number without even considering the time of day.  There was no answer, and despite her better judgement, she tried again.  Still nothing.  Now fully embarrassed by her impulsiveness, she turned and tried desperately for the sleep that would not come.
 
Somehow she managed to hide the surprise on her face when he had showed up at her door the next day.  Finishing her conversation on the phone, her mind had whirred with the things she would say to him.  Leaning against her wall, he looked somehow even more beaten then the day she had cared for his actual wounds.  She barely heard his rushed mea cupla. 
“Kurt,” she stopped him, but he continued to apologize.
She gently approached him as he was obviously stuck in his own head.
“I was just calling to see if you were ok.’  The look on his face both surprised and saddened her.  He looked so taken aback by the question, she could easily read the mix of surprise that someone was worried about him, but also the unbarred relief that she didn’t hate him.  With his guard down, the tears began to pool in his eyes.  She gently prodded,
“Well, are you?” 
“Ya, I’m okay,” he told her as the first two tears that ran down his face exposed his lie.  He seemed again surprised by them as he quickly swiped them away.  Gently, she took his hand, acutely aware of the wetness on his fingertips.  He shifted uncomfortably and looked down.
“Kurt,” she mouthed, barely above a whisper.  He took in a halting breath, as another tear slowly tracked down his cheek.  Gently, she led him to her bedroom. Normally, she wasn’t so forward, but she somehow felt he hadn’t slept in weeks.  He kept his eyes downcast with big glistening tears occasionally clinging to his lower lashes before they fell.  He seemed resigned to them, as if now that they had started, there was no hope in stopping them.  She gently laid him down on his back on the bed and instinctually crawled next to him, resting her head gently on his chest.  Draping a comforting arm over him, she whispered,
“This isn’t your fault. None of it is.”  He stilled at that, holding his breath.  She didn’t dare look up at him, but listened instead to his heart pound.  He let his breath out in a harsh sob as he brought his hand up to his face to provide some privacy.  Closing her eyes, she shook with him as the horror of the last week poured from him.  Using his free arm, he pulled her closer, holding on as if he expected her to leave.  
“I couldn’t stop it,” he breathed, his halting breaths continuing to move the both of them. 
“Of course you couldn’t,” she murmured, nuzzling her cheek into his chest as he cried.  She hoped he believed her. 
She knew he had fallen asleep when the cadence of his breathing changed from the halting somewhat ragged breaths of him confronting his demons to a calm and even tempo that almost lulled her as well.  Steeling a glace up at him, his face looked peaceful, eyes closed, tear tracks still shimmering in the sunlight from her windows.  He looked about 10 years younger.  Carefully, she untangled herself from him and slipped out of the room, gingerly closing the door most of the way behind her.  She would let him sleep as long as he needed.  She wondered how long it had been since he had.