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January 2, 2016 1:30 am  #1


What causes it?

Since dacrophilia is so unusual and so rarely talked about, online or anywhere else, there's no information that I know of that explains how or why this might develop.   But my gut feeling is that it's more common in men and probably more common in people who have trouble crying themselves and/or are shut off from their emotions.  I think possibly the attraction to crying in others is a "safe" way to (vicariously) release vulnerable emotion in ourselves without having to engage in it (I'm referring here to people like me who don't want to hurt others and have no sadistic impulses, but want to be able to comfort someone else and feel closer emotionally because they are crying).   For me though,  I also fantasize about crying myself, usually with a man I find attractive.   In real life, I find crying incredibly difficult, and haven't cried in front of anyone in probably over 15 years.  But I wish this weren't so, especially since a woman's tears can so often elicit tears from an empathetic man.   

Do you think the attraction to tears could be the result of early trauma?  I have trauma-based disorders brought on by having been a neglected and sometimes abused only child, where I served as a scapegoat/golden child for a narcissistic mother and a father with borderline personality disorder.  Expressing emotion, especially "soft" emotions, was never "safe" in my family and tears were dismissed and generally not allowed.  Could there be a connection?

Last edited by Lauren (January 2, 2016 1:35 am)

 

January 2, 2016 2:37 am  #2


Re: What causes it?

Y'know, there COULD be a connection. I can honestly say I don't remember a time when I wasn't fascinated by men crying. Looking back, I've often wondered if it all began right after my third birthday - my mother gave birth to a full-term stillborn son just four days later. I've often wondered if I heard my father cry around that time; oddly enough, while I find men crying to instantly raise my "comforting" instinct, the sight or thought of my father crying gives me great distress.

Interesting side note, my father says right after Mom lost the baby I became extremely clingy and needy, but Mom always remembered me pushing her away. But then, Mom and I never really got along - we were alike in all the wrong ways - and Dad and I were always close.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

August 3, 2016 7:33 pm  #3


Re: What causes it?

Posting here cause I've been thinking about this lately, whether it's from something happening or just genetic or what, nature/nuture etc.

It's on my mind because lately my 2 year old has started this thing that any time he cries (and at this age it's frequently, over stupid things, tantrums, etc) he starts saying "wipe my tears" over and over and won't calm down till someone wipes his face off.

He also talks about wanting to wipe other's tears off, even when the other person may not necesarily be crying, if someone just acts upset or something.

The other day he was wiping tears off a toy truck (it has eyes but it looks happy) but he was saying the truck was "sad" and "needed its tears wiped" and then he used his shirt on it. things like that

 

August 3, 2016 9:30 pm  #4


Re: What causes it?

It may be that he's copying behavior he's seen you expressing. Plus, at the age of 2, he's learning about feelings and how to deal with them, plus he's learning about other people are separate from himself, that they have feelings of their own. It's a normal phase of childhood development - but it's good that he's learning empathy. Do encourage him to continue to express his feelings and help him understand them.


"We have our stalking memories, and they will demand their rightful tears."
Anonymous
 

August 10, 2016 11:03 pm  #5


Re: What causes it?

That is an interesting theory. I myself can't remember a trauma, though when I was young my mother and birth father were always screaming at each other.

When I got older I was always making my dolls cry. Even going so far as to drip water in one dolls' eyes and letting it fall down her face.

That being said, only men crying turns me on.

 

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