I was just wondering: for those of you who have had significant others you have slept in the same bed with, did/does your dacryphilia (or hurt/comfort fetish, I guess in this case) ever affect your mentality toward cuddling?  I can remember that I had several fantasies about holding my boyfriend and letting him cry himself to sleep or comforting him after a bad dream before I'd ever actually slept in a bed with him, and I that definitely affected my attitude toward him at night (and still does).  The first several times we shared a bed, I had these 'delusions of protectiveness.'  I would imagine that he was finding great comfort in sleeping with me and that my arms around him were making him feel safe and loved in a way that he rarely felt otherwise.  I would also keep myself awake for hours, getting carried away listening to the pattern of his breathing and the little moans he makes in his sleep to determine whether he was having a nightmare or not.  The delusions were pretty much ruined when he admitted that he actually has a harder time falling asleep when I'm cuddling him (though he tries to anyway because it means so much to me).  That was a big downer.  Also, I stopped losing so much sleep over listening to him breathe and stuff.  The old habits still manifest themselves in smaller ways, though.  If I happen to be awake and notice him doing something that seems indicative of a potential nightmare, I'll usually rub his back or arm or kiss his shoulder or something like that to try to soothe him into a more relaxed dream.  Usually, he will stop doing whatever he was doing after I "comfort" him like this, but whether that's because what I'm doing is actually calming him down or not, I have no real idea.  He never wakes up crying or anything like that, so it's all a guessing game.  I also really love being the big spoon, especially if he's the one that pulls my arm around him or if he's even just holding my hand.  Those things still kind of make me fe

Yowza wrote:

 Edit: Sometimes I even have to cuddle my pillow/blanket while doing so. A lot of the times, I don't even notice it. :O

When my boyfriend joined the Navy, he gave me his most worn-out and beloved hoodie, and I've slept with it every night since, even now that he's gotten out.  I always bunch it up to feel sort of like him, and now that he's back home and I don't need the hoodie to comfort me from missing him, I sometimes end up holding it like it's him and I'm comforting him.

Hey, welcome to the boards!  We are so much alike.  Everything you said describes me to a tee, except I'm more into men crying than women.  I think it has a lot to do with the stigma society has regarding crying men.  I don't subscribe to the stigma, obviously, but it is present in our culture and I think most guys do feel some sort of pressure not to cry.  It just makes it so much more special when it actually happens, because it really tells you something about your relationship with the guy if he's actually willing to cry to you like that.  That all being said, I am pansexual and I do still like a crying woman, especially if she's strong and likes to hide her tears.

Dandelion wrote:

Oh my GOD Yowza. I too have 'daydreamed myself to sleep' with these thoughts since I was a very young child. Literally almost every moment. Like Id be zoned out in class thinking about it and everything. I could almost cry myself right now because im not the only person who's like this hahaha!

YES!  This is totally me!  I'm so excited to hear of two other people who do this, because when I was new I said something about daydreaming myself to sleep like this and no one really seemed to relate to that.  It was the only way I could get to sleep as a kid, though, and I'd always be collecting scenes from TV shows and movies to reenact in my head with myself as the comforter.  Nowadays I mostly put myself and the bf into situations that make sense for us, although sometimes I'll still borrow stuff from books and movies, even if I usually insert both of us instead of just me.

Dandelion wrote:

Like, the scene where she just found out her mom died, and Piper just leaves her... It breaks/melts my heart. Like, she's just sitting on the edge of the bed completely broken, hardly able to speak she's so upset, letting the tears just flow down her beautiful face, obviously wanting and needing to be taken care of and Piper just leaves! Agh.

Omg, that scene got me, too!  I

Thanks for the feedback!  I'm glad you liked it!

The only actual time I've experienced my boyfriend full-on sobbing was over the phone.  It's happened a handfull of times, and it was lovely, but it killed me not to be able to hold him.